Revenge of the Client
by lifelessMage
Summary: Kate loved her job; she got to drive around and give out boxes while getting paid REALLY well. Probably because no one else wanted the tempers that the clients showed. That is; she loved it until one of them got revenge. From LolliDictator's manual fics.
1. Don't Get Revenge on the Messenger!

**Ok, I know I just posted a new fic recently and I **_**know**_** that I'm also meant to post a HetaliaXHarry Potter fic sometime but I got wind of the Manual fics and caught the disease... so yeah, here it is.**

**I've noticed that no one has (yet) done a fic where his or her character's in the same position as mine (spoilers) and I decided to give it a try (glad I did; it flows really well!) So here it is; my manual fic!**

Disclaimer (this will be for the entire fiction): I do not own Hetalia Axis Powers, Flying Mint Bunny or the manuals that are presented (these are by LolliDictator). I also do not own anything that is made into a reference, such as calling the bunny a Pikachu or something like that.

**Enjoy~**

_Knock knock knock._

Kate heard the rustling of the residents inside before the door was unlocked and a teen appeared at the door. Kate knew immediately that this was the first delivery for this house by several, extremely obvious signs.

1- there was no destroyed property, shouting or even the sound of something cooking going on in the house.

2- the teen was still in her pajama's –which happened to only consist of a bra and shorts- and it was mid-day already.

And last, but not least, the teen was not, in absolutely anyway, glaring at her. Or even trying to. Most who had even one ended up glaring at her; probably because they knew exactly what was too come.

Hey, they shouldn't shoot the messenger~!

Grinning at the poor soul, Kate tipped her hat –that had green wings on it and made her feel really awesome and stupid at the same time- at the girl before glancing down at her clipboard to check for the name.

"Hello, you wouldn't happen to be Miss. Laura Brown, would you?" Nodding her purple-dyed head, 'PJ-girl' sleepily rubbed her eyes and tilted her head.

"Why? Who're you? And what the fuck is with your truck?" Ah, the truck. The lovely green truck with a mint green flying bunny –or, as she preferred to call it, Pikachu~! Kate loved her truck.

"Oh, that's the uniform for the trucks, I'm Kate and I'm here with your prize for winning; the Hetalia Units!" Yup, deadpanned stare. Why did no one ever believe them? Oh, right, the whole 'didn't give you my address' thing; didn't they know all they did was illegally go through the governments network? Clearly not. Honestly!

"So is there a specific place where you want your unit or can I just leave it on the doorstep?" Grunting in disbelief, the girl pointed to the lounge and Kate grinned before skipping back to the truck and pulled out the trolley, putting one of the three remaining boxes from today's deliveries, with its manual stuck to it, before wheeling it out and up to the front door, pausing for a second to let the girls move before wheeling it into the lounge and setting it down there.

Taking the manual, Kate grinned and handed it over.

"You might wanna read that before opening it; they can be hazardous if opened incorrectly. I'll be back in a couple of days with the next one; enjoy~!" And with that she skipped off to her truck and put the trolley back before getting in and driving off, waving to the little kid who was staring at her _awesome_ truck from the top window from the house next to Laura's as she went by. Ah, how she loved her job!

Today she had had a lot of new customers; maybe it was because it was that contest on… oh, what was that art site again… ah! That's it; DeviantArt! Yes, the contest on DeviantArt had rewarded the top three with a free order of units; the number of how many being based on position of ranking. Heh, poor artists had no idea what they were getting into.

Not that she had anything against artists; she aspired to be one herself, but that wasn't going to happen anytime soon.

Ah, well, two more deliveries for today and then she could go back home. Glancing at the address, Kate's smile began to edge a bit towards the insane/maniac side of happy as her brain registered and recognized the address. Aah, one of her favorite customers. Why? Simply because their reactions where so effing hilarious! Still grinning like a maniac, Kate continued to drive down the main road, taking a left turn at the next intersection.

Pulling up at the farm house a while later, Kate quickly tucked her smile away as she pulled the box and manual out on the trolley and wheeled it up to the door. Several crashes and smashes were heard from inside as well as several cries.

"YOU SHOULDN'T BEAT THE HERO!"

"BLOODY WANKER!"

"Kolkolkolkolkol."

"THE AWESOME ME DOESN'T WANT TO HEAR SUCH AN UNAWESOME LIE!"

Deciding that her client could use a short –very short- break, Kate saw this as her cue and rang the door, mentally cackling as she heard the cry that emitted from the owner of the house.

"**ALL OF YOU SHUT UP."**

Well, waddya know? She had perfected the 'Germany shout'. It sounded remarkably like what Germany had said in the first episode of the anime…

Just then the door flew open and an extremely ruffled women in her late-teens appeared, several men still fighting behind her; although, in their defense, they were succeeding in doing it quietly.

Deciding to focus on the women and let the boys have their fun, Kate grinned at the person who was glaring at her.

"Hello Miss. Jennings. I see you're having a good day."

"Why thank you, Captain Obvious."

"No problem, General Sarcasm." Kate knew that she was on close enough terms with Katrina to get away with such comments. "I presume you want this in the lounge room again?"

"Yes plea- _Will you lot stop that?_" The last bit was the result of Katrina turning around and spotting the still-fighting nations; all of whom immediately froze upon being caught and ran up the hall and into different rooms, all in different directions.

Chuckling, Kate wheeled the box into the lounge –where Katrina's Gilbert was hiding behind the couch- and put the box down next to the coffee table. Taking the manual, she handed it to Katrina and smiled.

"Good luck!" Katrina glared before suddenly smirked and waved back as Kate left the premises, calling back.

"Right back at'cha. I have a feeling you'll need it more then me~!" Kate turned to give her a questioning look but was only given a deeper smirk and a closed door.

"Wha… whatever." Shrugging, Kate dragged the trolley back into the truck and picked up her phone from the dashboard, calling the number of her client/friend.

"… come on, pick up… ah! Katrina! What did you meeeaaannn~!" Cackling was heard from the other end of the line, from both Katrina and several of her units. Well, that was never a good thing.

"Don't worry; you'll find out soon enough."

"Katri-"

"_Beep. Beep. Beep._"

Eye twitching, Kate snapped the phone shut and put it back down. Oh well, now she had to do the last delivery and go home; at least she didn't have to check in with work everyday.

No, her job was quite simple, she mused as she started the engine and headed towards the big freeway that would take her back into the suburbs. Sure, she had to get up at six thirty every morning to get to work on time; but she would normally end up with most of the afternoon off to be used as she pleased.

The pay was good; enough to bring her all the way to America, in fact. Kate had heard of the Flying Mint Bunny Co. all the way over in Australia and the thought of a simple (read: _easy and lazy_) job with good (read: _brilliant_) pay had brought her all the way over to America. Her house was on the inside of the city, a grand suit at the top of a tall apartment building; and she tended to keep to herself (which was why Katrina's number was one of about ten on her phone; the others being work, the nearest Pizza Hut, her family and about two other people).

Speaking –or rather, thinking- about locations, she had better check the whereabouts of the next client, just to make sure she was heading in the right direction. Wait a minute… pulling over quickly (read: _harshly_), Kate double-checked the form in front of her. This wasn't right… it couldn't be… and yet, it was right in front of her. A form of application with her name and detail, sitting there like it was an innocent bugger; and was that-?

Flick back to the last paper. Flick forward. Repeat. Three times.

That _bitch_.

Credit card details? _Katrina's_.

Kate knew, however, just as much as every other employee of the company, that no customer was aloud to send back a order, no matter how much they protested. Sighing in defeat, she started up the truck again and pulled back onto the road.

Life just got a whole lot more complicated.

**=^.^= Have a break; life will wait ~^.^~**

Having managed to pull the box out of the truck, into the lift and up into her apartment and then drag the trolley back down and load it back into the truck before taking another trip up the lift to her apartment, Kate was immediately assaulted by her dog, nagging her for a walk.

"Sorry, Pépite, but I have a package to open first. I'll take you later, okay?" Proceeding through to the kitchen, she pulled out a green apple and walked out into the lounge, pulling the manual off the box as she past, and took her place on the black, leather couch. Whining, the spoodle followed her and jumped onto the couch next to her and gave her the puppy eyes while managing to eye the food in her hand at the same time.

"No."

_Whine._

"_No_."

_Silent puppy eyes._

"…fi-ine." Taking a big chomp, only enough to cut the apple, Kate ripped the piece off and gave it to her puppy who immediately chomped on it as Kate finished off the original. Once both were done eating, Kate flicked open the manual

Kate now sat there staring at the manual in her hands in disbelief. Katrina had wanted revenge? Well she got it, alright! Come on, couldn't she have ended up with one of the even _remotely_ sane ones? Sighing, she slammed her head down onto the coffee table where the manual rested beside her head.

'**FRANCIS BONNEFOIS: User Guide and Manual'**

Why? Why? _Whhhyyyy?_ Okay, now she was done. Sitting up straight, she picked up the manual and skimmed through it, leaving the removal instructions until last; knowing that they would be the least significant if worse came to worse.

***Programming:**

Your FRANCIS BONNEFOIS unit is equipped with the following traits:

Chef: Whether you like French food or you just can't cook, FRANCIS BONNEFOIS will be the perfect chef for you! Years of culinary experience mean that he can make something delectable and delicious out of the most boring ingredients. Get him a job at a restaurant, and we guarantee that he'll make it to Head Chef within a month!

Stripper: Ever seen _Moulin Rouge!_? Your unit is as shameless as the girls in that film, and has no qualms with stripping and/or whoring himself out (although he'll only work in high-class bordellos). After all, he's gorgeous _and_ has a sexy accent - what more could you ask for in a prostitute?

Marriage Therapist: Believe it or not, FRANCIS BONNEFOIS is quite the counselor. If you've got problems with your significant other (perhaps over why you ordered the unit in the first place?) FRANCIS BONNEFOIS can sit you both down and help you talk out your problems!

Teacher: Assuming that his students will be able to understand his accent, your unit is a great teacher. He's good at nearly every subject, but best at philosophy (after all, Francis Petrarch, the "father of humanism", was French!), the French language, and sexual education. His students will adore him!

Note: if he teaches French, he'll probably start shouting every time someone mispronounces a word.*

"I suppose… he can cook for his living; it's not like I can cook much myself or don't earn enough money." That was an understatement; dinner was normally ravioli, oven-baked fish 'n' chips, toast or fast food. Or nothing. It really depended on how lazy she was feeling at the time. As for the money, well, she had enough now to afford the apartment _and_ her food while having enough for art, but when more came then she supposed they would have to start getting official jobs.

***Reprogramming**

After properly awakening your FRANCIS BONNEFOIS unit, you'll have the option to reprogram him to any of the following settings:

_Lewd (default)_

_Dramatique (default)_

_Overprotective Big Brother_

_Elegant_

_Napoleonic Era (locked)_

_Rape-Maniac (locked)_

Your unit comes in his default _Lewd_ and _Dramatique_ modes, which entail him groping people, cracking perverted jokes, and acting like he'll die if you reject his advances. He is more amiable and good-natured in either of these two modes, and, after a few hours in any other mode, he'll revert back to these for some reason.

_Overprotective Big Brother_ is just that: instead of groping you, he'll hug you in a completely innocent matter and be whatever you need him to be for you, even if you need him to go beat up the 6'5 bastard down the street who stole your wallet. (FRANCIS BONNEFOIS can be startlingly strong when he needs to be.) To get him into this mode, simply cry in front of him or complain about your shitty love life (or cry in front of him about your shitty love life). Your unit will give you great advice on what to do.

His next mode, _Elegant_, is also easily accessed. Simply take him to a mall with several high-end stores and a bulging wallet, because he won't leave until he's given you a makeover or at least bought you new clothes. Most of the time, he'll be able to sweet-talk the store clerks into knocking off about fifty percent of the bill, so don't worry about going broke with his expensive taste!

FRANCIS BONNEFOIS has two locked modes, _Napoleonic Era _and _Rape-Maniac_. _Napoleonic Era_ is most easily unlocked by leaving him in a room with other units all in their respective empire modes; however, it'll take a while before he reverts to _Napoleonic Era_, so don't expect him to walk out ten seconds later and start imposing the Civil Code on your neighbors.

_Rape-Maniac_, on the other hand, is unlocked by depriving FRANCIS BONNEFOIS of sex and/or porn for a month. Eventually, he will snap, and run off in search of an ARTHUR KIRKLAND unit. We are not responsible for any damage done to said ARTHUR KIRKLAND unit.*

'_Hmm, should avoid completely banning porn and –apparently- sex.'_ Eye twitching, Kate flicked to the next section. _'No way in __**hell**__ am I going to let him molest me.'_

***Relationships with Other Units**

ARTHUR KIRKLAND: These two units have been rivals since forever, basically, with the Hundred Years' War and all that, but their animosity for each other could be interpreted as a massive build-up of UST. (The history of the Entente Cordiale sure says so.) Whenever they're arguing and a third person gets involved, FRANCIS BONNEFOIS and ARTHUR KIRKLAND join forces; as soon as a fourth person enters, they'll split onto opposing sides. In a relationship with ARTHUR KIRKLAND (which is the most likely pairing for a FRANCIS BONNEFOIS unit), both units will sleep around but come back to each other every night; don't comment, because that is how their relationship will work for a few months.

ALFRED F. JONES: FRANCIS BONNEFOIS and ALFRED F. JONES go back to the American War for Independence, and they have an agreement like "You helped me get independence!" - "You let me into your pants after I helped you get independence!" or something. We're not entirely sure, although you're free to find out...

LUDWIG KALTHERZIG: The relationship between these two units is mostly antagonistic. Since the Franco-Prussian War, FRANCIS BONNEFOIS and LUDWIG KALTHERZIG have not been very close; the Treaty of Versailles only worsened their relationship, and the Fall of France didn't do much to help it. However, these two are always up for a nice round of hate-sex, and we recommend you record it.

ANTONIO FERNANDEZ CARRIEDO: Despite being historical rivals, what with their Hapsburg/Valois-Bourbon hatred, these two have a bromance of epic proportions. It'll take a little difficulty to spur into a relationship, mostly because both of them are as close with GILBERT BEILSCHMIDT as they are with each other; if you can get your unit with an ANTONIO FERNANDEZ CARRIEDO, it's very likely that a GILBERT BEILSCHMIDT unit will be introduced into the relationship and you'll end up with a really hot threesome.

GILBERT BEILSCHMIDT: Unlike FRANCIS BONNEFOIS and LUDWIG KALTHERZIG's sour relations, GILBERT BEILSCHMIDT and your unit are great friends. Their rivalry is jovial, although GILBERT BEILSCHMIDT will ignore your unit if he's in _Napoleonic Era_ mode. Again, a relationship with these two units is almost certain to eventually include ANTONIO FERNANDEZ CARRIEDO, so if you have plans for your FRANCIS BONNEFOIS with either of those two units, remember to install cameras _everywhere_.*

As she read on she had to restrain herself; yes, she worked for Flying Mint Bunny Co. No, that didn't mean that she wasn't a fan of Hetalia- or yaoi for that matter. When she found something setting off her fangirl sensors… well… due to over-restraint, she tended to act a little insane; normally it was just a maniac smile and insane laughter though. Said smile was creeping onto her face now as she read about the possible threesome that could occur (read: _be caught on tape for a possible porn video_) of she got a Gilbert and an Antonio unit as well.

***Cleaning**

While you might need to remind him to shave, FRANCIS BONNEFOIS is on the whole more hygienic than the other units. Also, all beauty products you get for him must be French, or else he will refuse to use them.

**Feeding**

FRANCIS BONNEFOIS is very picky about what you buy for him - only the best! - but if you let him into your kitchen and make the most amazing foods ever. That is, if you like snails, frog legs, and other curious animal parts.

**Rest**

He'll only sleep when he's tired, and so tends to sneak out at night. You'll have to either tie him up or face breaking your curfew to chase him around.*

Groaning in despair as she read over the pickiness that was to come, she made a mental note to give him some money to go shopping for products and _not_ give him a key to the doors of the apartment; at all. Right, now, onto the unpacking.

***Removal of your FRANCIS BONNEFOIS from Packaging:**

FRANCIS BONNEFOIS is one of our milder, more cultured units, which means that he is less likely to hulk smash you if you wake him up improperly. However, there is still the danger of him acting violently passionate if you wake him up improperly. If you would like to keep your virtue for a little longer, here are some easy ways to wake your unit up without damage to your reproductive organs.

1. Play 'La Marseillaise'. If you speak French, sing it yourself. Francis will start cheering and singing along - while he's distracted, reprogram him.

2. Cook French food. Make sure you cook it well, or he will throw the platter on the floor and accuse you of giving him shit, although you'll have the chance to reprogram him either way.

3. Play Johnny Hallyday. Francis will respond positively, although he might have a tendency to start dancing. And if you're really unlucky, he'll drag you along. If you don't have Johnny Hallyday, play Edith Piaf. And if you don't have Edith Piaf or Johnny Hallyday, Yelle will do. Warning if you do play Yelle: Francis may start dancing Techtonic, and you might want to avoid having elbows in your face.

4. Play a porno, loudly (but not loud enough to scar the neighbors). Francis will burst out of his box and start watching it, and you can program him while he's busy fapping. Warning: this move is recommended only for people who can move extremely fast, because if you're not able to reprogram him enough you might end up losing your virtue after all.*

Oh, fun. So four was most _defiantly_ out of it; she didn't _own_ any porn and there was no way in _hell_ that she was going to go and borrow it from a video store, she'd be to embarrassed. Two was out too, mostly because she couldn't cook; that left her with two options, both of which involved music she had never listened to ever before in her life. Shrugging, she got her laptop and played the first video on YouTube that claimed to be _La Marseillaise._

Singing emitting from the box alerted her to the fact that the unit was awake and cautiously, she opened up the side where the clutch was and hide behind the door that she pulled open.


	2. The Frenchmen Will Invade Your Home

**Hola all~ Glad to see my first chapter got such a positive result~ (although some reviews would be nice TTATT). Okay, so this chapter isn't as long as the last one, but it's still pretty long! Is that okay? I'm sorry if it's too shooortt! WAAAAHHH!**

**Sorry, rambling. I have a couple of points to make though, and they're fairly important. First of all, you have a choice that you must vote on; long updates (8-12 pages [last chapter was 8]) that take longer or short updates (4-6 pages, hopefully no shorter [this chapter was 6]) that arrive quicker. Please let me know which you prefer.**

**Second of all, Kate will seem grumpy this chapter. You would be grumpy too if your house was invaded by a perverted Frenchman. Please excuse her, I am trying to make her realistic. And last, but not least, the French in the chapter. Basic things I will not put a translation for, but the ones that do need translating you will find at the bottom of the chapter. **

**Now then, please enjoy~!**

"Ah! Bonjour mademoiselle! Vous êtes plus belle que les étoiles, comment vous appellez-vous?" Blinking rapidly, Kate stared at the blonde whirlwind who had appeared from the box and was now speaking rapid French to her while peering around the door she was hiding behind. Sure, she had taken French in grades 3 to 7 (curse moving schools) and had forgotten most of it, but she could still pick up bits and pieces and knew how to say a couple of things.

"Vous êtes trés fou." Said comment caused the French man to pout before grinning again.

"Vous parlez français?" Shrugging, Kate turned around and picked up the spare box, opening it up and taking out the '_How To Stop the French From Invading Your Bed_' booklet and tucking it into her trouser pockets.

"Oui, par ma français est trés mal. Do you mind cooking while you stay here?"

"Ohonhonhon, not at all, mon petite chaton. I have no objection to cooking for such a belle chaton; I would cook my whole life for-"

"Whatever." Grabbing the now-empty human sized box, she dragged it towards the door, ignoring the splattering of the indignant French and proceeded to leave the apartment. Following after her, Francis continued to speak to her, not noticing the puppy dog that was following after him.

"Mon chaton, did you know that français is le lanque de l'amour?"

"No."

"Well it is, mon chaton."

"That's nice."

So when one of the neighbors (read: _one of the only other family on the floor_) peered out her door to see what was going on (read:_ what was actually making a noise_), she saw a duck-line consisting of an annoyed brunette, a twittering blonde and a little, black furball walking out of the bin room on one side of the hall. Grinning, she leant against her door frame and waved.

"Hey, Kate, who's this?" Wincing, Kate turned towards the late teen and forced a smile onto her face.

"Hey, Jade, this is… my new housemate, Francis. He'll be cooking for his living. H-how're you and your family?" Smiling, Jade leant harder against the frame, nodding as she answered.

"Yeah, you know, I'm good. Good as someone my age can be while still living with her parents. You?" Kate nodded and turned back to her apartment, calling back as she did so.

"Yeah, good, good. Cya."

As she ushered Francis and Pépite into the apartment she managed to hide the blush that covered her cheeks, closing the door behind her. Sighing, she leant against the door for a minute, completely ignoring the blonde who was now rambling on about her neighbor.

"Elle est tre magnifique! What was her name? Jade? Her voice sparkled like the stars, elle as de beaux yeux! Her-"

"Shut up." Hissed Kate, put in an unusually bad mood. Not wanted to make a bad impression for no reason, she took a deep breath and counted to ten, slowly.

"So, do you think you could get a start on the cooking of dinner? I can't really… cook that well… eheheheh…" Nervous giggles spilt from Kate's mouth as she looked from Francis to a wall and back again. Sure, she could be perfectly sociable to her clients, but that was only because she only talked to them, for the most, half an hour two days. She wasn't really on the high-end of social life. At all. Luckily, Francis appeared to –somehow- understand (she wasn't quite sure how; he wasn't exactly the brightest of characters) and left for the kitchen.

'_Make me a sammich, bitch'_

Mentally cackling at the old joke, Kate sighed and then lead Pépite to the laundry where the dog food was kept. Funnily enough, Francis's comments on her kitchen's contents drifted through the entire flat, despite it's size.

"You call this kitchen stocked? Non, non, non, mon amies! It will have to do for now, par, tomorrow, I shall have to go shopping for des ingredients."

Snorting, Kate pulled out the can of food and carried it into the kitchen, where Pépite's food bowl was, and placed it on the side before rummaging in around in the draws for the right spoon. She had a special dog-scoop somewhere around here…

"Sacrebleu!"

**THUMP**

"Owww, dude, what was that for?" Kate sat on the tiled floor, rubbing her head, while the Frenchman continued to stare at the thing that had caused the exclamation.

"Kangaroo dog food?" Rolling her eyes, Kate nodded, going back to searching for the dog-scoop. She could have _sworn_ she saw it before _someone_ made her jump.

"Yes, kangaroo dog food, so what, mate? I like to at least have some reminder of my heritage, even if it is just dog- aha!" Grinning happily, Kate pulled out the dog-scoop. Pépite, seeing the scoop, began bouncing around, licking her face and prancing around France's feet and his owner. "All right, all right! Pépite!"

Still smiling happily, she bounced up and began to serve up the (dog) food.

"How come your dog has a French name then, mon chaton?" Kate's smile resided a little at the question. Not turning around, she continued to pile three large scoops in the metal bowl and mash it up into smaller pieces.

"Pépite is French for nugget? Yes? Well Pépite is the younger brother of my family's dog –having had the same mother and father, although they were different litters- whose name was Nugget. Nugget died around the same time as I got Pépite and so I named him in his honor."

Placing the bowl back down on the ground, Kate watched as her puppy ran up and began chewing on his food, collar clanging against the metal of the bowl. Shrugging, she turned back to Francis who was watching her with a strange look in his eyes.

"So what's for dinner?" Turning back to the cupboards, the blonde scoffed once again before pulling out a packet of pasta.

"With your resources limités, I have decided to make Ravioli." Cue a dramatic sigh. "Honestly, how did mon chaton survive with such little nourriture?" Shrugging, Kate decided –after having stared at it for thirty seconds- not to have another apple. Ravioli didn't take that long to cook.

"I can't cook much, for starters. Most of the time I'll be too lazy to actually cook something, so I'll eat an apple; sometimes even nothing." Would it be too rude to leave without offering to help? But she really didn't want to… Oh dear. "Do you want my help?"

"Non, merci! If you can't cook, then you can clean." Sure, that sounded fine.

Nodding, Kate turned and left the kitchen, calling back over her shoulder as she went.

"Sure, after dinner I'll show you too your room and then do the dishes." Skipping up the hall and halting at the end, she span back around on her heel and stared at the doors. What rooms could be called 'spare' rooms? Let's see, all together –from down the left side to up the right side- there was her bedroom, the laundry, the spare bathroom, art room, entrance to lounge (basically the other end of the hall), the balcony and the study.

Weeell, she didn't want to give up the art room and the laundry and bathroom wouldn't make a 'stunning' bedroom. Guess it was the study then… but she really did like having a bed for a chair while working! Dramatic tears running down her face, she went into the door to her immediate right and started stacking up all the client documents.

"Mon chaton! Dinner is finished." Raising an eyebrow at the exuberance level of Francis's voice, Kate made her way to the kitchen, placing the files on the side table in the hall as she passed. Upon entering the kitchen, she was immediately blinded by sparkles and roses.

"Mon chaton! Look, I have made the most magnifique meal of ravioli one so belle as vou could ask for!"

"_Too many… sparkles… system… mulfuntioning…"_ Muttering to herself, Kate managed to stagger over to a chair and collapse in it.

"Uh, mon chaton? Comment étes-vous? Mon chaton?"

**Hetalia= the world. Literally.**

"Ok, this is the bathroom that you –and whoever else moves in- will use." _'There is no way I will use the same bathroom as you OR give you the location of my bathroom'_ "That is the laundry and this will be your bedroom as soon as I move all the computer stuff and client files out. You'll just have to excuse me while I do that after I've done the dishes." And with that, Kate turned and left for the kitchen again, ignoring the exuberate exclamations coming from the once-quiet study.

Tomato sauce was stuck hard on several bowls and spoons. Water was all over the floor and several measuring spoons were in goops of sauce on the side. Which was also covered in sauce. Gloom lines appeared over Kate's head as she stared at the mess; this may not be much compared to when her younger brother and sister cooked for the whole family. The mess was _atrocious_ and there was _heaps_ of people eating, making even more dishes.

No use complaining when there was work to be done. Tugging at the hem of her shirt with her right hand and pulling out her iPod with the other, Kate mentally flipped through her song list.

'_Nope, not with France in the house. No, not in the mood. No, that makes me depressed.'_

"Ah, eff it all, shuffle it is." Snicking as 'If You Were Gay' came on and the mental TV in her head stared playing the Hetalia AMV she had seen for this.

**Yeah, that was short. Just like life.**

Having successfully moved all the files onto her desk and told Francis not to disturb her again until the morning, Kate collected her towel and pajamas and checked that Pépite wasn't actually hiding in her room somewhere (last time that had happened he had piddled all over her bed and she ended up sleeping with no sheets, having been to lazy to change them). Satisfied that all was well enough to be left alone, Kate made her way to the bathroom attached to her bedroom.

Hot water rushed into the Jacuzzi as Kate placed her towel and pajamas to the side and slide out of her clothes. Steam fogged up the glass as she stepped in, adjusting the taps a bit to suit her pleasing as she did so, and sunk into the water, sighing in both relief and despair. What _had_ Katrina gotten into her? Sure, she knew what –or, rather, who- was to arrive, but what chaos would that cause to her life, property and even self?

It would have been hilarious if it hadn't terrified her at the same time. Terror won over hilariousness, unfortunately. She had moved here to have an _easy_ life, one devoid of dangers to both her physical _and_ mental health; advised by her psychologist, actually. This most certainly _wasn't_ going to be a _calm, easy_ life. Unless they all behaved themselves; but the chances of that were-

"Onhonhonhonhonhonhon~! Mon chaton, may I join you in your magnifique bath?"

"HOLY- OUT! GET OUT! OUT OUT OUT!" Grabbing her towel, she rapped it around herself and ducked under the water; looking back that was a really dumb thing to do, because not only did it make the only towel she had sopping wet, it also provided no better cover that that which had already been provided.

"Pourquoi, mon chaton? It would be nice to bath with you, we cou-"

"**OUT!"**

**Short but sweet?**

_Briing._

Hush.

_Briiing._

Oh, shut up.

_Briiiii-_ **SLAM.**

Ah, sleep. The best thing on planet earth, the snooze button coming shortly after it. It should be illegal to interrupt such a thing, interrupt such dreams that bring such joy and pleasure. Heh, that would make alarm clocks crimina-

"Mon chaton, it is matin!" And the French too, apparently.

"I thought I told you to stay out." Slurred Kate, rolling over with a groan, hiding her head in her pillow while pulling up her (five) duvet(s).

"On the contrary, mon chaton, you told me to stay out until the morning. It is now matin and I do believe le réveil is telling us that it is time you got up for work."

"Eff off." Snarled the lump in the bed as it curled into an even tighter ball.

"Ohonhonhon, non can do, petite chaton; work is important." Eyes twitching, Kate unfurled from her ball of warmth and sat up, glaring at Francis while grabbing the alarm clock and shoving it in his face.

"See this thing? Ya, see it? That is the thing that I forgot to turn off last night. Why? Because I don't _work_ on Wednesday's and damn _Sunday's_. Today just so happens to be a _Sunday_. Let. Me. Sleep." With that and the finger, Kate buried herself into her blankets again.

"Humph, how rude chaton is in the morning. Seriously, that wasn't necessary, she could've at least-" The huff and chatter of the French unit was heard until her exited the hall at the other end.

Groaning, Kate drifted in and out of reality; she had always found it hard to get back to sleep once awoken. This time, luckily, she had only been woken once this time, so there was still the chance that she would get back to sle-

"_I wanna boom bang-bang with your body-o_

_We're gonna rough it up before we take it slow_

_Girl let me rock you rock you like a_-"

"What?" Kate hissed into the phone while staring at the wall opposite her, seething. This was not fair, not fair at all. First the French pervert and now-

"Haha, Kate, I see you're in a lovely mood! Are you always in such a good mood when you wake up, or was it just you're new tenant that has set your panties in such a knot?" _this._

"I'll have you know I'm normally a good riser; when I'm not woken by perverts and annoying friends who call way too early in the morning for a Sunday."

"So who did you get?" From her end of the line, Kate could feel Katrina leaning in, waiting for all the 'juicy details'. Heh, revenge was sweet alright.

"Why should I tell you?" A pout was sent down the phone line. "And besides, why're you in such a good mood? Is it just my torture makes you that happy?"

"Yup, now tell me-" Right at that moment, Francis poked his head around the door and grinned perversely at her.

"Ohonhonhon, was that your_ ring tone_, mon chaton? What a lovely song!"

"**DAMN YOU, FRENCHIE! FIRST YOU WAKE ME UP AND NOW YOU SPOIL MY FUN!**" Cackling was heard down the other end of the phone along with some British pity as Kate pushed the invader out her door, her thought process being something along the lines of 'destroy damn frenchie, out out. Destroy damn frenchie, out out!'.

Once she had succeded this tasked, she pull her phone back to her ear and spoke sweetly into.

"Before you make any further comments, may I advise you to keep in mind whom has the most say in who your next unit is." Ah, silence, how she loved thee. "That's what I thought. Now, if you don't mind, I have some important sleeping to do and a pervert to kick out of my room, so I'll chat to you later; preferably when I deliver your next unit." And with that Kate snapped the phone shut before sighing and rolling over onto her back (she had previously been on her stomach) and bending her neck up to look at Francis.

"… Are you going to leave voluntarily or am I going to have to get up and force you out?" Kate could see the grin stretching across his face and knew what was coming a second before it arrived. '_Oh dear god-'_

"Ohonhonhonhon~"

"Grrr…" Eye twitching once again, Kate pulled her self up from the bed and began pushing the Frenchman out the room, ignoring all the comments he made about her outfit and bedroom until-

"Any you're so flat-chested; these pajama's do not flatter you at all, mon chaton~!"

"OH HUSH!"

"Ohonhonhon, you seem rather sensitive about that, mon chaton, could it be you're insecure?"

"NO! OUT, OUT, OUT!"

"Ohonhonhonhon~!"

**Translation **(This is only a ruff translation based on my previous knowledge and the internet; sorry if I got anything wrong)

Vous êtes plus belle que les étoiles, comment vous appellez-vous- Your eyes are as beautiful as the stars, what is your name?

Vous êtes trés fou- You are very foolish

Vous parlez français- you speak French?

Oui, par ma français est trés mal- Yes but my French is very bad

Mon petite chaton- my little cat/kitten

Belle chaton- pretty cat/kitty

Le lanque de l'amour- the language of love

Elle est tre magnifique- she is very magnificent

Elle as de beaux yeux- she has beautiful eyes

Sacrebleu- just a French exclamation

Nourriture- food or ingrediants, not sure

Matin- morning

Le réveil- the alarm clock


	3. Male and Female Uniform's

**Hello everyone who is actually reading this because I know I actually skip all A/N's half the time unless I'm looking for my name because I know I reviewed and the author always types the names of those who reviewed up or always has something amusing to say… so yeah, if you're reading this, I thank you for reading it~**

**Now, I only had one review last chapter, so **_**huuuuuuge**_** thanks to SailingSeas for doing so~ You're, so far, my favorite reader~ YAY! And your prize is this! –holds out plushy set- free, cyber, Hetalia plush set~**

**If you spot any errors in this, please lemme know so I can go back and fix them, thanks~!**

**Enjoy~**

**Chapter 3**

"…" Eye twitching, Kate stared at Francis with a crêpe still on the spork that was halfway to her mouth as a sudden epiphany hit her. _Oh dear god, why do you hate me so?_

"Mon chaton, I know I am tres beau to look at, but that is not a reason to distract yourself from eating~ Ohonhonhonhon-" **Thump.** The crêpe slipped off the spork and onto the plate as Kate's head met the table. Don't ask why they had sporks; there was no deep reasoning behind it. It was just cheaper and meant less items to be carried home and stored. Yes, she was that lazy.

"Mfft imft mfftinf mffifftumfft."

"Pardon, mon chaton, I did not understand what you said?" A snarling sound emitted from Kate as she lifted her head off the table and sent Francis a deadpanned look.

"I said 'This is getting ridiculous'. The next person who joins us will most _certainly_ be getting a _job_ that _pays_." Picking up the crêpe again, she sighed before stuffing it in her mouth. '_Especially if I have to buy all of you new clothes.'_ Oh well, at least if gave her something to do for the day.

"So what shall we be doing today, mon chaton?"

"Shopping." She refused, downright _refused_, to look up right at that moment. She knew if she saw those sparkles and French l'amour for shopping then she would begin to feel the love for shopping too; the love she knew she had to bury if she was going to be housing a heap of people. Sure her wages were more than suffice; for _one_ person, maybe two, not _a whole family_. It was still only a delivery job after all.

Ignoring the enthusiastic French babbling she left the room only to be tackled down by Pépite; or rather, be jumped at by Pépite. He wasn't large enough to tackle her, so she dropped down and gave him a pat when he started attacking her.

"Tell you what, Pépite; when we go shopping I'll get something for you to wear on your walk this evening, okay? You never know, you might be able to pick up a few chick doggies." Several licks on her face were the only reply, but it was enough to set her into giggles. No matter what had happened to her home, Pépite was always there for her, and that was good enough for her.

"Okay, get dressed, we leave shortly." _'Hopefully'_. And with that Kate left to her room to get dressed for the day. _'Thinking about it… I probably should've changed before going out to the kitchen with Francis… then again, it's not like I got the chance to change.'_ Oh well, what's done is done and there's no going back on that. Pulling her pair of cargo pants and a random shirt, Kate quickly dressed and pulled on a cap before walking out of her room.

"Sacrebleu! Mon chaton, what _are you wearing?_" The horrified expression on Francis's face was enough to make Kate laugh for the first time in the past 12 hours.

"Clothes, Francis, clothes. Now let's go-"

"Non, non, non, **non**! Mon chaton, I _cannot_ let you out in _that_! _Especially_ if we're going _shopping_!"

"But… this is what I would normally wear if I were to go shopping…" Frowning, Francis crossed his arms.

"There is no way I am going _courses_ with you wearing _that_, chaton." Okay, now she was offended; she quite liked these clothes, they were comfy.

"And why not? This is what I would normally wear into town." With a horrified gasp dramatic enough to be classified as a 'Le Gasp', Francis laid a hand over his heart and the other on his forehead.

'_Kinda looks like he's gonna faint'._ Mused Kate as she shrugged and leant all her weight into her back leg, put her hands on her hips and raised an eyebrow. Pulling this pose was one of her biggest mistakes as an evil expression drifted onto Francis's face.

"Ohonhonhon~"

"**FDSHFKDFNGOW!**"

**Well that went well, didn't it?**

"D-do I have to wear this?"

"Mon chaton, it was in your cupboard; why would it be there if not to wear?"

"I do wear it, I just wear it around the house, not when going out."

"Pourquoi? You look lovely in it, mon chaton~" Frowning, Kate shrugged and turned to grab her bag.

"Yeah, right, whatever you say. Now, let's go; the quicker we go, the quicker we get back." Turning back around, planning to scold Francis out the door, Kate had to resist the urge to slam her head repeatedly into the wall as the Frenchman skipped out her door and towards the elevator.

"… just lock the door, Kate, just lock the door."

Ignoring the amused giggles coming from the dog-sitting neighbor -who was standing by their door, watching all the unusual chaos that was occurring so early in the morning- and the Frenchman on shopping-high, Kate pressed the button to call the lift.

'_Please, God, I know I'm a pathetic catholic and I always forget to pray except before dinner out of habit but please make this day reasonably easy to survive._' Kate was brought out of her silent prayer by the dinging of the lift. Looking up, she began to wish it had taken longer or that they had left earlier.

There, standing in front of them, in the male version of the green uniform with the awesome cap that Kate loved so much, was Katrina. With a box and manual.

That _bitch_.

This time Kate did slam her head into the wall -repeatedly- while Katrina –and the Gilbird that was presumably stolen from her Gilbert- cracked up laughing, Francis started his perverted laughter and Jade just watched on, slightly confused.

"Whyyyyyyyy?"

"Um… I'm not sure I want to know, but… what's with the box? And why such a reaction to a delivery?" With an evil glint in her eyes, Katrina turned towards the innocent bystander and freaking out her out even more.

"Aaaahh, you wouldn't happen to be Jade would you? Oh, so you are? Oh, that's so cool, I've heard so much about yo- ACK." Having been elbowed in the stomach, Katrina kneeled over clutching her tummy as Kate grabbed her legs and dragged her into her apartment, shouting over her shoulder for France to get the box.

"What are you _wearing_?"  
>"Oh, this ol' thing? Hahaha, have you go blind from watching all those anime, Kate?" Laughed Katrina, waving off the fact that if it were possible to go blind from watching anime, she herself would now be blind. "This is <em>clearly<em> a Flying Mint Bunny Co. uniform, the same as the one you wear every work day!"

"That isn't the point." Kate muttered, slouching. "Since when did you work for them?" _'And it actually isn't the same…'_

"Oh, no, I don't work for those bastards~" Laughed Katrina, smirking as she leant against the box. "You see, _someone_ happened to phone their work yesterday night and order an extra for me, _didn't they?_" Oh yeah, Kate had forgotten about that. Damn, that meant she would be getting three in three days! Attempting to be 'cool', Katrina went to detach the manual from the box. And ended up having to turn around, grab the manual and pull with all her strength… it was still attached…

"Where did you get the uniform, then?" Kate tilted her head, mentally coming up with all the possibilities.

"Oh, well, you see, the dude who dropped it off at my house was unfortunate enough to meet me in a very revengeful manner and I knocked him out and stole his uniform-"

"Ah that explains it."

"Explains what?"

"The fact that you're wearing the male version of the uniform."

"I am?"

"Ja."

"Wow, how can you tell the difference?"

"Oh, you see that little mint bunny on your shoulder there?"

"Yeah…"

"Well, you see, on the female uniform it has purple eyes. On the male uniform it has blue eyes, see?"

"Oh, yeah, I see. Wow, you have good eyesight, huh?"

"No, not really, only when it gives the author something to ramble about for several lines."

"Ah, ok. Wait, author?"

"Never mind, just breaking the fourth wall."

"… Okay then. Moving on, how the hell do you detach these thin-ACK!"

Kate and France sweat dropped as Katrina tumbled a few feet before crashing with her heels over her head, arms waving madly with a manual in her hand.

"There we go, got it~!" Sighing, Kate took the manual and opened it up, and upon taking a single glance at the name stretched across the page, she immediately had the desire to slam her head into the table. A lot like she had for Francis's arrival. Of course she had to get one of the saner characters that was only sane when _not around Francis._

***ARTHUR KIRKLAND: User Guide and Manual***

DAMN LIFE.

But, of course, there were people around and mother had always said to remain sophisticated while in the presence of- Oh, eff her, it's not like they weren't friends or hadn't seen her in a less dignified situation.

**Thump**

Head, this is coffee table, I believe you have met before, as well as its cousin; the dining table. Table, this is head. You two might be dating in the near future.

"… um, dude, you okay?"

"Mon ami, what's wrong?"

"Hahaha, that can't be good for the brain cells!" Lifting her head of the table again and ignoring her truly American friend who was laughing at the red patch on her face, she peered at the manual and began reading it, double-checking the information.

***Programming**

Your ARTHUR KIRKLAND unit is equipped with the following traits:

Lead Guitarist/Singer: Ever felt that maybe your band could use a better guitarist? Well, the ARTHUR KIRKLAND unit is for you! We guarantee that with him in your group, you'll find yourself swarmed by fans everywhere you go. He can sing, too, so double him as lead singer and guitarist for maximum efficiency!

Waiter/Pole Dancer: Believe it or not, ARTHUR KIRKLAND is actually a hardcore waiter. He'll rake in tips, as business is the most important thing to him when he's at work, and for even more cash get him a job at a bar - or a strip club. He's quite the pole dancer.

Policeman: ARTHUR KIRKLAND has a love for the rules, and will prove it if you get him a job as a cop. Not to mention he looks dead sexy in the uniforms!

Exorcist: Your ARTHUR KIRKLAND unit has a talent for seeing things others generally wouldn't see - namely, spirits and fairies and other such creatures. Exorcists are in high demand, and your unit will love his job as one!*

Well, it was _really_ tempting to make him be a pole-dancer or a waiter at some place that would make him dress skimpily, but it was also really tempting to make him an exorcist- just because it would be really awesome to say to whoever she knew that she lived with an exorcist. Then again, she didn't know many people, who would ask anyway and –in complete honestly- it wouldn't be a very… _stable_ job. She supposed a policeman wouldn't be too bad; she would have to fake all the school and university documents (although, considering she worked for Mint Flying Bunny Co., it really wouldn't be that hard). And the band thing was completely out, mainly because she didn't know anyone who was actually in a band…

Meh, making him a waiter it was; easier and more entertaining and they might be able to get discounts for that restaurant, Kate decided as she pushed Katrina out with the manual still in her hand, ignoring the complaints from her 'friend'. Closing the door on her face, she went onto the next section.

***Reprogramming**

After successfully getting your ARTHUR KIRKLAND out of his box, you can decide to reprogram him to any of the following modes.

_Grumpy (default)_

_Bossy (default)_

_Drunk/Emo_

_Loving_

_Terrified_

_Horny (locked)_

The ARTHUR KIRKLAND unit comes in his _Grumpy _mode, and _Bossy _comes as an addition to his normal stoic personality. If he starts cackling randomly, don't worry - that will appear in various modes and shows that he is planning revenge on some other poor, unsuspecting unit. This revenge will most likely work, but he never laughs in the present of his target; therefore, if you hear it, you can ignore him.

The _Drunk/Emo_ mode is extremely simple, really; ARTHUR KIRKLAND has a high alcohol tolerance, and he loves to drink, but will become depressed after a few rounds. He is actually pretty sober when he starts crying about ALFRED F. JONES abandoning him, or his family hating him; it's rare for him to get truly drunk, which is another mode.

The_ Loving_ mode can be utilized by telling ARTHUR KIRKLAND that you too can see fairies, or that you like British food. He becomes very happy, trusting, and lovable.

The _Terrified_ mode is a very fun one to unlock, presuming you like gay guys and hardcore BDSM. Before attempting to unlock this, we recommend setting up cameras all over your house. To get this mode, set an ALFRED F. JONES, FRANCIS BONNEFOIS, or ANTONIO FERNANDEZ CARRIEDO unit into their respective _Postal_, _Rape-Maniac_, or _Psychotic Break_ modes; for easier access, put ARTHUR KIRKLAND into _Loving_, but for more delicious footage, leave him in _Grumpy _mode. After this, just lock your unit and any of the listed above in your house for a few days. When you come back, ARTHUR KIRKLAND will be trembling and promising to do anything for whichever unit you had him with. To get him out of this, leave him with a normal KIKU HONDA unit for two to three weeks, or get him a private rape therapist.

The locked mode, _Horny_, can be unlocked by actually getting your ARTHUR KIRKLAND unit drunk. He will be smiling lasciviously at anyone he sees, walking with a disturbing sway of his hips, and clinging onto any nearby unit(s). He is notorious for running off with all three Bad Touch units, and not returning for days.*

If she had to keep restraining fangirl-ish squeals every time she read one of these, Kate was pretty sure she would combust and explode. It was soooo tempting to try and get him actually drunk, now, if only to see the British unit walk with a 'disturbing sway of his hips'… and if she did so, she _really_ had to install those spy cameras of hers before he ran off with the bad touch trio, or at the moment it would be just Francis; but still! The point still stood, strong and proud; almost like her nationalism… yeah, she was a nationalist, so what?

***Relationships with Other Units:**

ALFRED F. JONES: These two have a long history of love and hate, and their "special relationship" can be seen in several different manners. ARTHUR KIRKLAND is quick to deny that he has any fond feelings for ALFRED F. JONES, but honestly these two are the most likely pairing you can get with our offered units, as well as the romance most likely to succeed. Please note that if your ARTHUR KIRKLAND is in a relationship with another unit, ALFRED F. JONES might pine for his attention.

FRANCIS BONNEFOIS: Your ARTHUR KIRKLAND has a very, very strange relationship with this unit - not only will FRANCIS BONNEFOIS will contradict anything your unit says, but if these two hook up, they will have a very loving relationship that just happens to be open to others. If you see your ARTHUR KIRKLAND or his beloved FRANCIS BONNEFOIS sleeping around, don't comment, because their respective rotating doors of bedmates is how their romance will advance. Their pre-romance relationship is often perceived as one resulting from too much sexual tension, and you can find this out for yourself.

KIKU HONDA: ARTHUR KIRKLAND and KIKU HONDA get along great, actually, when you take into mind the fact that England and Japan don't have a very happy relationship, what with World War II and all. ARTHUR KIRKLAND likes to visit KIKU HONDA, and KIKU HONDA likes to visit ARTHUR KIRKLAND... and you may take that sentence any way you'd like.

ANTONIO FERNANDEZ CARRIEDO: If you've noticed how your unit generally acts toward others, you'll know that ARTHUR KIRKLAND hates ANTONIO FERNANDEZ CARRIEDO just as much as he hates everyone else. ANTONIO FERNANDEZ CARRIEDO, however, is an extremely patient, extremely loving unit who just so happens to be insane; ARTHUR KIRKLAND likes crazy guys, and with that said it's possible that these two units will get together.

PETER KIRKLAND: Your unit is the blood-related family member of PETER KIRKLAND, though PETER KIRKLAND hates ARTHUR KIRKLAND for many reasons. There is no real romance to be had here, but you can try for pedophilia; we have no guarantees as to how it will turn out.*

There wasn't really much interesting in Arthur's relationships area that she didn't already know from reading Francis's manual, other than the fact that he actually got along pretty well with Kiku, despite all the stuff that occurred in WWII… interesting, interesting.

Okay, no, not really, but there you go.

Also she was unaware that there was a Peter Kirkland unit as of yet… hmm, maybe they were planning ahead? But couldn't they just edit all the manuals and then send them around when updated… actually, that would mean more work for her; she was quite happy with the way it was, thanks.

***Cleaning**

Your ARTHUR KIRKLAND unit is perfectly capable of cleaning himself, and doesn't like bathing with others. This is partly due to his various tattoos (especially the electric guitar on his hip), his several piercings, and his scars.

**Feeding**

ARTHUR KIRKLAND can indeed cook his own food, but we doubt that you would enjoy steak and kidney pie or Yorkshire pudding as much as he does. It is likely that you will be unable to stomach the food, unless you're used to Anglo cuisine, and don't let him into the kitchen. He makes a mean curry, though, which is perfectly safe to eat seeing that it's much blander than Indian curries.

**Rest**

This unit has a normal routine, and tends to be in bed before 11 every night. He is very much like an old man in this manner, but he differs from them in the fact that he will, guaranteed, get up and kill you if you wake him up before 7AM.*

Pfft, he had a _whaaaat?_ Tattoo? On his _hip?_ And it was an _electric guitar_? Oh, yeah, punk Iggy! Of course! Kate immediately flicked through the manual, trying to find the section on how to set him into punk mode- Ooooh, how she loved all those punk Iggy photos and fanfic- Ahem, no, she didn't read/look at any of them! She swore!

***Troubleshooting**

Problem: After your unit didn't respond to any of the ways we provided to wake him, you opened the box and found, instead of a modern-looking man, one in a pirate suit who opened his eyes and jumped you violently as soon as you opened the box. Now he's threatening you and speaking in a pirate dialect.

Solution: Whoops! We've sent you a Pirate!England on accident! This unit is extremely violent, nearly constantly horny, and will drink you out of house and home - as well as kill your landlord when he comes to collect the rent you can no longer pay - unless you ship him right back. He will be loving towards ALFRED F. JONES, sadistic towards ANTONIO CARRIEDO and have a terrible superiority complex to everyone else, because, see, now he's at the height of his career and not a grouchy old man. Don't tell him we said that!

Problem: Your unit traded in his proper clothes for the leather pants he arrived with. He dyed his hair various colors, got even _more_ piercings, and attends parties every night. At home, he constantly sings Sex Pistols, Elton John, and Bruce Springsteen; he acts extremely rashly and violently, and sleeps with anything that has legs. More often than not, this "anything that has legs" includes LUDWIG KALTHERZIG, IVAN BRAGINSKI, and/or ALFRED F. JONES.

Solution: Congratulations! You've unlocked your unit's _Punk _mode. In this mode, ARTHUR KIRKLAND has reverted back to the 80s fever. Now, he's more or less a hipster. You can get him out of it by having him spend time with a normal FRANCIS BONNEFOIS, who will comment on how sexy your unit looks like this, and unknowingly revert ARTHUR KIRKLAND back to _Grumpy_.*

"Aaawww fuck!" Immediately Kate clamped her hands over her mouth and hid the manual as France tried to peer over her shoulder, trying to see what had made her swear. She hadn't mean to say that out loud, damnit! But now she would never be able to put him into punk mode! Mostly because it didn't actually tell her how, but also because France was here also. Damnit, damnit, damnit! It wasn't fair.

Although, Pirate!England would be pretty darn cool, if only… except for the whole rape thing… Kate wasn't quite sure why she didn't mind 'sexy' England when he was drunk or punk but she _did_ mind it when he was in Pirate mode… maybe it was because it was a permanent change which wouldn't go away and she didn't know how to control it?

But no punk Iggy!

"Aaah, mon chaton?" Kate didn't even register Francis poking her as she pulled a distraught expression while having a mental temper tantrum, a purple aura began to envelope her and terrify Francis who's poking became more and more desperate. A poke to her eyelids brought her back and she slapped away the Frenchman's hand.

"Eh, sorry, spaced out."

"Er… is everything okay, mon chaton?"

"Ja, ja. Everything's just fine-" _''apart from the fact that we will never have a punk Arthur in the house.'_ "Don't worry. Now, to open the box…"

***Removal of your ARTHUR KIRKLAND Unit from Packaging**

Awakening your ARTHUR KIRKLAND unit is generally quite simple, but if he was jostled during shipment it could be harder. We have provided this list of failsafe ways to wake your unit, jostled or not, which will not result in you missing any body parts at the end. Your unit tends to make a lot more assumptions than he should, which might result in some terrifying moments while getting him up, but don't worry - he won't really hurt you, unless you're a FRANCIS BONNEFOIS unit.

1. Set a plate of hamburgers next to the box, preferably with a fan to force the aroma towards the box with. Momentarily, your unit will shout at you to get the food out of his face before kicking his way out of the box unless you move the food within two seconds. It is advised to stand a few metres away to avoid being stabbed with bits of the box. Once he realizes that you are not an ALFRED F. JONES unit, he will apologize for his "ghastly behavior" and introduce himself, and you are free to reprogram him then.

2. Play either "Saving Grace" or "The Star-Spangled Banner" as loudly as you can. If you play the first song, your unit will hum or sing to it in his box and it is safe to remove the lid; if you play the second, your unit will shout at you to "turn that damn racket down" and again claw his way out of the box if you do not stop the music. Again, once he notes that you are not in fact an ALFRED F. JONES, he will apologize and be perfectly cordial towards you, allowing you to reprogram him.

3. Clink two glass alcohol bottles - preferably scotch or whiskey - together, in earshot of the box, but not too close lest you be hit by flying bits of wood as your unit scrambles for them. As soon as ARTHUR KIRKLAND has gotten out of the box, he will thank you for the alcohol and chug it; while he does so, you can reprogram him.

4. Cook an aromatic Spanish or French dish and set it down near the box. Your unit will laugh, start to punch his way through the box and ask in an evil tone whether you want to get your ass kicked again. When he sees that you are neither an ANTONIO FERNANDEZ CARRIEDO nor FRANCIS BONNEFOIS unit, he will ask you to excuse his behavior.

5. If you are certain that shipping went perfectly, you can just open the box and hope he doesn't reach out and try to kill you for waking him up incorrectly.*

Hmm, maybe she should-

"Ah, mon chaton, I made lunch!" Francis appeared next to her, two plates in hand.

'_How did he make that so quickly… wasn't he just here a second agoo…'_ Kate was brought out of her thoughts as the box began to shake. Wait, didn't the manual say something about-

'_Thanks, God, nice to know you hold grudges.'_

**Reviews get cybercookies and some sort of say in who arrives next? Maybe? Definatly cookies though~ I'm thinking of Matty next… hmmms…**


	4. Shopping   Fun

**-gapes- Oh. My. Gosh. THANK YOU ALL! I got 5 whole reviews for the last chapter! Arigatou, arigatou, arigatou! Sunny-Blue-Sky, ElricLawliet, SailingSeas, SilverHeart87 and cleopatra1111 all have my eternal thanks and gratitude! YOU ALL MAKE ME FEEL SO LOVED!**

**On a not so happy note; I know and am SO SORRY that my chapters seem to be getting shorter and shorter… IT'S NOT ON PURPOSE! I SWEAR! It's just (for this chapter) I had no idea how to continue it… and I figured you would prefer for me to update with a slightly shorter update then to take ages all because I decided to add two paragraphs… and there was the added fact that I know how to start the next chapter but I can't right now because I still haven't finished this one!**

**Also, I think I crept my parents out todays by cooing/squealing a little too loudly at a scene in the manga I was reading… eheheheh… oops ^.^'**

**Oh, and please excuse the pathetic description of Walmart; I've never actually been to a Walmart myself… in fact, I've never been to America, so there you go! XD**

"Ugghhh…" Groaning, Kate rolled over onto her other side, flicking some hair out of her face and shifting whatever she was wearing so that it was more comfortable. She was tired and her eyelids felt extra heavy, probably because it had been another one of _those_ dreams. Unable to open her eyes further then half an inch and forced to stumble, practically blind, after family and friends that she desperately didn't want to lose all over town.

But she couldn't stop, couldn't stop following. She _had_ to follow; why, she didn't know, but she had to. Actually, that was a lie; sometimes she knew why, but she wouldn't -_couldn't_- admit it to herself. This time had she had been chasing after Jade, who was being dragged away by two blonde silhouettes. How she could tell that they were blonde, she wasn't sure, considering that she couldn't open her eye lids all the way (so she was stuck staring at their shoes) and they were only _silhouettes_, but she knew. She knew that they were blonde, and it terrified her.

A faint murmuring was registered in her brain but Kate mummed it out, opting not to ponder over the fact that there really shouldn't be anyone in her apartment in favor of more sleep. Sleep was good, sleep meant no thinking, sleep meant no influences, sleep meant happy. That was why sleep was good.

"Ohonhonhon, I think our sleeping beauty is arising, mon angleterre!"

"Oh, shut up, you bloody wanker."

"But I am simply alerting you too the waking of the innocent sleeper, ohonhonhon!"

"Stop sounding so perverted, you damn wanker!"

"I am doing no such thing!"

"B'th o' you j'st sh't 'p." Mumbled Kate, grabbing the cushion that was by her feet with her feet –not wanting to move the on her head was resting on- before grabbing it with her hand and holding it over her ears so that it blocked out the noise_ and_ some of the light. "M'ther f'ck'n' b'tch's."

"What language!"

"Interesting, mon chaton did not have an accent before hand…" Rolling her eyes, Kate picked up the cushion and threw it in the direction of the voices. And soon enough heard a bunch of laughter and snickers that were obviously _slightly_ contained aimed at her bad aim.

"Sh't 'p, b'st'rd's."

"Pourquoi, mon chaton? You said we were going shopping, remember?" Wait, registering… uploading translation system… processing language and accent… uploading memories… load complete.

"Oh shite!" Shooting upwards, Kate was immediately shot back down –in pain again- as her memories returned with a thwack. Literal.

"Bloody hell!"

"Son of a- Damn'it, that hurt!"

"Ohonhonhon~!"

"**Shut. Up."** Both the Englishman and the Australian glared at the laughing Francis, both clutching their foreheads in pain.

**Oh dear, I'm running out of quotes… does it show?**

"Sorry about that, so much for good first impressions."

"That's okay, love. It could have gone worse."

"True, true." Arthur and Kate both sat at the dinning table, holding an icepack to their own forehead and a cup of tea in front of Arthur. Arthur had –somehow- managed to lock Francis in his room and they were currently enjoying the peace for a while.

"So, proper introductions. Hi, I'm Kate and this is my humble abode."

"Hello, Kate, I'm Arthur Kirkland, pleased to meet you."

"Same here. So, while you're here, you're going to have to get a job…" As her memory fully returned, Kate remembered what she had planned for Arthur job-wise and couldn't help the evil grin that crossed her face. "And I have the perfect job for you." Clearly she was going back into her proper mind set and getting used to having people in her house if she was grinning and managing to get the only other person in the room to edge away from her slightly.

"Sorry, sorry." She muttered, trying to whip the smirk off her face and succeeding apart from the slight twitching of her lips every now and then. "So, I suppose we should let the pervert out and then go shopping…" Hmm, she'd have to make a larger withdrawal then planned if she was shopping for two people.

"Urgh, do we _have_ to let the damn frog out?" Groaned Arthur, eye twitching as he took another sip of his Earl Grey tea.

"If we don't want him going around the apartment naked because his only clothes are in the washing machine."

"Good point." Although, on second thought, neither would probably mind that as much as they made out they would. Not that they would admit that out loud either.

A knocking on the door brought both people at the table out of their thoughts, and Kate let her body rise from the chair. Noticing the weird look she got from Arthur, she tilted her head to the side as she stretched out her arms and legs, ignoring the multiple cracks that emitted from her body and caused Arthur to wince.

"What?"

"How- wha- Bloody hell! How can you're body crack like that? Doesn't it hurt?"

"Oh, this?" And with that she put her arms out in front of her and twisted her upper body 90 degrees, listening as it cracked several times in the process.

"Yes, bloody that! Honestly, it's disgusting." Shrugging, Kate turned to the door.

"No, not really."

Answering the door, Kate face faltered.

"How the hell did you get out?" The blonde leered down at her, smiling perversely as he leant in over her.

"Ah, you may have looked me into a room, but nothing will stand in the way of shopping and moi~!"

"Well don't know about nothing, but not a 70-something story drop, clearly." Poking his head around the corner, Arthur rolled his eyes.

"I don't even want to know how you got out." Suddenly Francis was no longer at the door, but at the other end of the room, and leering down at Arthur.

"Ohonhonhon, are you sure, Angleterre? I could show you how flexible I am~!"

"A-ACK! N-no, you bloody WANKER!" Kate was stuck between watching in amusement as Arthur began flushing up a storm and moving them all along so that she could get home faster and- HO SHITE!

She hadn't checked it! Any of it! Not her fanfiction updates, not her emails, not her facebook notifications! Okay, that was it; they were going to get this done as fast as possible and then get back here and then she was going to get _reading_.

"Okay, enough fighting, let's go, go, go! **Now.**" Kate added harshly as both of the units gave her questioning looks, shooing them out with her hands and waving thanks to Jade when she passed her friend's apartment.

**But I set fi-i-ire to the rain! Watch it pour as I touch your face~! … yeah, I'm out o' quotes.**

Kate couldn't remember having a more annoying drive, not even when she had lived with her two siblings that _never_ shut up. As such, she was overjoyed when she arrived; so overjoyed, in fact, that it took all over her self restraint not to give into her instinct and kiss the ground _and_ store when she arrived. Ignoring the still bickering pair behind her ("British cuisine is much better then those pests you call food, frog." "Ohonhonhon, not when it's made by you!" "BLOODY WANKER!"), Kate stomped into the (closest) Walmart and grabbed a trolley out of the stack.

Wait, no, she had to wait for France; he was extremely picky with his stuff _and_ the cook… although, she supposed Britain was pretty picky with his stuff too… damn it, that meant she had to walk all over Walmart with them! Unless…

Shoving two wallets into the –now- stunned silent units, Kate scowled and turned towards the electronics section.

"There, that's your allowance; France, you have a bit more for you to spend on ingredients as well. Britain, you will have to start earning your own keep in the house soon enough, like France. If you need me, I will be by the checkouts in an hour. Get some new clothes too." And with that she stalked off; maybe they had some new anime?

About an hour later, Kate wandered back to the checkouts with a new set of headphones, new (dog) leash and a new set of songs too look up and download off youtube [yeah, it was illegal, soooo? It's not like anyone would know ¬.¬]. Not even thirty seconds later, Arthur appeared holding a pile of clothes and underwear.

"Yeah, you are getting a job later. No doubt about it."

"I'm sorry, love. I tried to get the cheapest stuff that I would wear-"

"It's okay. No, seriously, it's fine." Continued Kate as she saw Arthur open his mouth to continue. "Complaining is one of my abilities that I really should get rid off; I will complain about anything at all, don't take it to heart at all."

"Speaking of complaining, where is that damn frog?" Shrugging, Kate turned back around to check back at the electronic section.

"God knows, he could be anywhere. For all we know, he could've been kidnapped…" Hmm, maybe she shouldn't have let them go by themselves… and that was really creeping her out. Shouldn't Arthur have made some sort of retort by now? Something like, 'yeah right, more like the frog would be the one doing the kidnapping.' Or something. Turning around, Kate began to talk again.

"Arthur, are you- HEY!"

"Ohonhonhon~! Mon chaton, how do you feel about clothes shopping?"

"EFF NO!" And now the struggle began.

**Gay or European? XD [brilliant song, that. You guys should try listening to it~]**

Really, she hadn't stood a chance from the beginning. Francis was a fully-grown smexy (damn, living with these two was already having it's impacts…) man and she was, admittedly, a short, not exactly _fit_ women (but she _wasn't_ fat. No, she made sure not to get that unhealthy); there hadn't been even 0.000000000000000000000 –pretends this continues for three more lines 'cause the author is to lazy to do so herself- 00001% chance that she would win. After all, he had already dragged Arthur away, too… although, that should have actually improved her chances, right? It had to have taken some effort to drag the –presumably- shouting and struggling Brit to the clothes section.

Kate was brought out of her thoughts as she was handed over to a couple of shop assistants –huh, she must've stopped struggling sometime during her thoughts…- that leered down at her along with Francis; now she just felt like cowering, damn it.

"Mon chaton, we 'ave some… adjustments… to make to your wardrobe, vou comprenez?"

"Wha- but- I like the clothes I have!" Cried Kate indignantly, frowning –not pouting, damn it- and crossing her arms so as to stop herself from cowering. "And, besides, I already have _enough_ clothes; I doubt my cupboard could fit more in there."

"Do not worry about that, mon chaton, I already took care of those." Splattering, Kate was dragged off by the assistants, and in shock, she didn't register whatever the hell Francis had told the assistants before they dragged her off. What did it matter? Her _clothes_! Her lil' babies that she had loved –yeah, she got attached to material things, so what?- were _gone_!

Close to crocodile tears, Kate almost missed what Assistant #1 (the one with pink hair) had said.

"Hmm, I was thinking blue?"

"No, no, no! He said to make it pink!" Assistant #2 (blondie) shook her head, pointing to the pinkest, frilliest-

"Oh dear god, please tell me he didn't go through my undies too…" Kate groaned in despair. The pinkette smiled apologetically down at her.

"Sorry, Miss, but he said everything…" Blondie didn't seem so apologetic, grinning sadistically while pointing to the pink and black laced bra set.

"I still like this one."

"That's just because you want to see me in it." Commented pinkie casually, peering down the aisle as if trying to find out which would look best on- in fact, scratch that, she _was_ looking for the ones that would look the best on Kate; that was what she had been told to do, no doubt.

"And?"

Now Kate _really_ felt like slamming her head into a wall. This had just got a whole lot more embarrassing.

**Anyone got the Hetalia Albums? I do! XD**

Dragging seven bags into the apartment, Kate proceeded to collapse onto the couch. Whining, Pépite came up to her and nudged her leg with his nose- hmm, Jade must have let him earlier. She did mention something about having something on at 5.

"Oh fffffffffffffffffff- fudge." Mumbled Kate, checking her watch; yup, 7:45. "Francis you better hope that I cannot get my bloody hands anywhere near you or I will effing rip your fingernails off, then your fingers and then proceed to use your fingers to poke your eyeballs out and then effing dissect you from the inside out."

"Eh? What did I do this time, mon chaton?" Questioned Francis voice… that sounded really close. Opening her eyes, Kate yelped and turned bright red as her eyes met the blue ones that were merely 5 centimeters away from her own.

"God damn'it!"

"Stop molesting her, Francis." Arthur's voice echoed from within the apartment, and –after pinpointing the general direction- Kate felt her eyes widen, blush disappearing as worry arose.

"Francis." She murmured, not moving her eyes from the ceiling, although she could still see the slight perverted glint shine in his eyes as she turned to her.

"Oui?"

"Why is he in the kitchen?" After recoiling from the hiss, Kate's words finally registered in his brain and, pulling a face, Francis rushed off toward the kitchen.

"A-ah, Angleterre, why don't you-"

The rest of the conversation was unheard by Kate –apart from some shouting- as she groaned, rolling onto her side and picking up the new leash.

"Come on, Pépite, we'll test this baby out and then I'll feed you, 'kay?" Pépite just barked happily, tail wagging.

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN I HAVE TO SHARE A ROOM WITH YOU?"

"Ohonhon~"

Thank god for excuses to escape the apartment.

**Has anyone got any suggestions for what to put as chapter section dividers? If so, pleeeaaassseee lemme know… please review! Reviewers get free vital regions of a country of their choice! Also… I'm looking for a beta… any volunteers? **

**Also, the omake below is after Kate has gotten used to having the units around, thus her slightly more relaxed attitude towards then, although I won't have any of the units she gets in it (no spoilers~).**

**Omake's **_**may**_** be making a regular appearance…**

Omake

"Coffee? At this time of night?" Blinking, Kate looked up at Arthur, who was sitting at the table drinking some tea.

"Eh? Coffee? What coffee?"

"The coffee in the tin that you're holding right now." Tilting her head in confusion, Kate held the tin up to her eye level. Indeed, written on the side of it, in white, was 'C-O-F-F-E-E'.

"Oh, no, you see, this is actually milo, it's just the tin says coffee." Snorting, Arthur shook his head.

"Then why is it-"

"Oh, it's one of those sets." Seeing the slight confused look on Arthurs face, Kate attempted to explain. "You know, the sets of four tins that are labeled 'Sugar', 'Coffee', 'Cookies' –although, sometimes it's labeled 'Buscuits'-, and 'Tea'?"

"Oh."

"Yeah; it was basically the only tin I had laying around one day, so I put it in there…" Kate trailed off as she heard some 'Ohonhon'ing coming from… somewhere.

"Good, coffee is a disgusting substance to be-"

"Hey," interrupted Kate, earning herself a disgruntled look from the Brit. "Can you hear tha-"

**Grope.**

"BLOODY HELL! DAMN FROG, YOU CAN'T JUST COME UP AND GROPE SOMEONE!"

"Ohonhonhon~! Non? I can't? Pourquoi?"

Kate sighed, going back to making her hot chocolate. At least Arthur didn't mind when she made coffee in the work mornings; there was _no way_ he was stopping her from having her coffee dose. After all, one had to be customer friendly.


	5. UNO Failure

**Hey guys.. sorry, I had this typed up ages ago, but I was waiting for someone to send me something so that I could edit the end of this chapter and add a bit on… But yeah… I would've typed more by my inspiration levels suddenly when blamph-squilsh-splat and landed in the dunny which then got flushed by my annoying siblings.**

**I hope you all had/have a Merry Christmas and there shall be a Christmas omake if a certain amount of people ask for it~ Maybe just a Christmas-y bit in the next chapter? Eh, we'll see~ Vote for that too~ ^.^' ( - Author is clearly too lazy to make her own choices) **

**Enjoy~**

Rolling her eyes, Kate turned off the alarm and finished pulling her arm through the sleeve of her uniform. Honestly, why did she set that thing if she woke before it on workdays and forgot to turn it off on her days off? Right, that was it, paranoia that if she _did_ end up turning it off, she wouldn't wake up that morning. Damn it.

Not that is was actually necessary for her to be at work early; as a matter of fact, there was no really 'attendance' time for the delivery people of Flying Mint Bunny Co., they just had to be able to finish all their rounds before 7 o'clock at night. Still, Kate preferred to go to work early in the morning –funnily enough, waking up earlier generally put her in a good mood- and have the afternoons off to herself to muse –not sulk, damn it- over things.

Wondering out into the kitchen, Kate checked the clock while pressing the power button on her coffee machine. Yup, 6:50. Okay, so she had ten minutes until Arthur woke up and she had to tell him to go and apply for the waiter position down at the restaurant –or the pub would be fine, she supposed, although she wouldn't get to see him in a waiters outfit then- and not to cook anything for anyone in a way that wouldn't either hurt his feelings or set him off on a rant at her. As for Francis… she had no idea what time he woke up, so she supposed she just had to tell him not to grope anyone who appeared at the door or to rape anyone inside the house.

"Ah, I thought I heard someone mumbling. Good morning." Startled, Kate whipped around to be greeted with the sight of Arthur in his pajama's, which consisted of a baggy t-shirt and some long pants.

"Huh? Oh, um, good morning. Sorry about that, didn't mean to wake you." Damn, she must've been thinking out loud again; she'd have to kick that habit if people were to be living with her, especially if people were going to end up sleeping on the couch like Arthur had last night (he refused out right to share a room with Francis and neither Francis or Kate were willing to give up their rooms, although Kate had the impression that –based off characteristics- Arthur _was_ going to kick Francis out of the room at some point today).

After putting the sugar and milk into the coffee, Kate went to sit down at the table, both coffee and a bowl of yogurt that she must've prepared while not really paying attention out of habit, while relaying the instructions to Arthur, who was giving her a slightly disgruntled look for some reason.

"Okay, well, I've got work today, so there are a few rules." Oh, whaddya know, she'd just thought up a couple more. "One, I need you to keep an eye on Francis and make sure that he does not, on any condition, go into my bedroom. Ever. I'm sure you're _gentlemanly_ enough- is that the right way to put it? I'm not sure…" Oh, right, the thinking aloud problem again. Oops. "Um, yes, anyway… I'm sure you're gentlemanly enough to not go in there yourself." Receiving a nod, Kate continued.

"I also need you to apply for a job down at the restaurant that's just a little down the block; their pay is good enough to help pay for your stay. And… uh…" Yeah, now she was stuck. "Could you… um… stay out of the kitchen for today, please? I prefer for people to be familiar with the rest of the place and people in here before they go and mess up my kitchen." Yeah, that excuse would work for today; she needed to ask Katrina for her list of excuses to keep Brit's out of kitchens while she was there today.

"Of course, love. Is that coffee?" Oooooh. That would explain the disgusted look. Grinning, Kate downed the rest of the drink and dumped the dishes on the kitchen bench.

"That which it would be. Problem?"

"Ergh, coffee is a disgusting drink; tea is much better." Grumbled Arthur, taking a sip of the cup of tea he had just made and walking over to the bookshelf in the lounge. Shrugging, Kate walked over to the advent calendar that sat in the hall next to her keys and check the date on her phone before popping the chocolate from the day's section into her mouth.

"Eh, it's a matter of opinion, really. I personally don't like tea that much, but still drink it."

"You appear to be in a much better mood then yesterday." Arthur eyed her suspiciously, holding _The Hunger Games_ by Suzanne Collins in the hand that wasn't holding the blue and purple striped mug. "And don't talk with your mouth full."

"Not really, have to be cheerful though. 'Customer Service' or something."

"Ah." And with that, Arthur took a seat on the leather couch and opened the book.

"Yeah, well, I'm going now. Don't burn down the building or something equally stupid while I'm gone." Receiving only a 'hm' in response, Kate slipped on her work shoes –both literally and metaphorically- and left.

**Once a jolly swagman camped by a billabong,**

Parking in the loading bay in the underground car park for the –really creepy- green building with a giant mint flying bunny on the roof –it was waaaaay out of reach from the city, not really wanting annoyed customers to blow up the building-, Kate hopped out of the car and walked over to the office. Sitting behind the desk was a ten year old guy who appeared to be in a really intense game on the ds, pressing buttons really quickly and glaring at the screen consistently.

"Um, excuse me; do you know where- Oh my god, is that Pokémon HeartGold?" Rushing around the desk, Kate peered over the pink streaked blonde hair to get a better look at the screen. Ah, her secret –or not so secret, to her family- obsession; Pokémon.

"Urgh, you use Ursaring? Why evolve it? Teddiursa is so much cuter!"

"Yeah, but Ursaring has better states." Commented the boy, leering at the screen. "Come on, idiot, beat that Vulpix."

"Noooo, don't beat the poor Vulpix! It's so cute!"

"Yeah, but it's in the way of me and my Roselia!" Frowned the kid; no, pouted the kid. "Damn Vulpix."

"Pfft, the only good Roselia is a Sassy, male one!"

"That's what I'm trying to get!"

"High-five, kid!"

After highfiving and finding out where exactly his mother was –the lady who handled all the paper handing out-, Kate proceeded to the loading area. Okay, so maybe not all her good mood for work was fake, but she wasn't going to tell them that.

"Hey, Bob, I'm back! Didja miss me?"

"Pfft, miss you?" Snorted a tall, muscular brunette with a cigarette in his mouth. "Yeah, right, and tomato's aren't red."

"Gee, thanks, I knew you loved me."

Kate grinned, handing over the papers to confirm that she could take a certain number of unit boxes in her truck. "Truck's in the usual place. How's Penelope?"

"She's good, pregnant."

"Oh my god, that's great! Congratulations!" Penelope was Bob's wife and they had been waiting for almost three years for a kid.

"Yeah, yeah." Ah, Bob, always one for emotions.

**Under the shade of a coolibah tree,**

Waving goodbye to Bob, Kate turned and stared at the open truck in front of her. Obviously one of these was going to end up at her house… could she-? No, she shouldn't. She really, _really_ shouldn't. It wouldn't be fair on the other customers. Then again, it's not like they would do that though… they all would. Or, at least, Katrina would.

"Okay, fine." Sighed Kate, selecting a random box and peeking into the manual attached.

'_IVAN BRAGINSKI_: _User Guide and Manual_'

"Awww hell no!" She muttered, closing the manual and slamming the back of the trust shut. Mentally noting not to pick that one, Kate climbed into the front and started up the truck; might as well get moving.

Hmm, maybe she could give it to Katrina as revenge?

'_Yes,_' thought Kate, an evil smirk sliding across her face. _'It would be a perfect gift for Katrina_.'

**And he sang as he watched and waited 'til his billy boiled.**

Double checking the list, Kate pulled out of the drive way she had parked in and resisted the urge to play with the bandage that her leg and recently acquired. Why did so many customers have to have vicious, large dogs that were clearly too over protective? It was so unfair! And if they didn't have a damn _overprotective, scary_ dog then they had a _stupid, overprotective, scary_ _cat_! WHAT WAS WITH ALL THIS! IT WAS JUST HER JOB, DAMNIT!

Ahem.

Moving on…

She only had that new chick –Laura Brown, if she remembered correctly-, Katrina and herself to go. Pulling into purple chick's –'_Laura,'_ Kate berated herself- driveway, she mused over which unit the person must've gotten last time; maybe a Yao Wang unit? They'd had a large shipment of those lately… although, they'd also received a large shipping of 'new and improved' units also… although, technically, they had yet to be known as 'improved' as the area was actually testing these out, but the point remained.

Selecting out a random unit box, Kate wheeled it up to the door and rang the doorbell and was greeted with a smile-turned-frown. As in, the girl _had_ been smiling when she answered the door, but that had quickly turned into a frown when she saw exactly _who_ was at the door.

See? She had been right; everyone glared once they knew what she was there for!

"Hello, Miss. Brown, if you would sign here." She had a feeling that this person wasn't one to get friendly with the person who kept delivering hell. Still… Laura's house was unusually… _quiet_ for someone who had received a unit.

"Where would you like the box?" Kate asked politely, taking the clipboard back. "The lounge again?" Nodding, Laura moved aside for her to get past. If she peeled her ears, she could hear muttered insults. Hmm, that was strange. Last week she had had no problem with swearing at her… maybe she had an Arthur Kirkland unit? Those were pretty strict on language –as she had experienced herself.

"Mother Russia, is this 'Alex'?" Huuuuh? Well that would explain the whole language thing, she supposed, but still; 'Alex'?

"No, this is not Alex." Waddaya know; Laura could speak without swearing _and_ in a nice tone! Naw, she must have high maternal instincts. "This is… uh, it was Kate, right?" Nodding, Kate turned around to pull off the manual just as the doorbell rang. "Yes, this is Kate. The person at the door must be Alex; Ivan, wait here with Kate, okay?" As she walked past, Laura nudged Kate in the side.

"Please, keep him out of the way for a bit. I know I wasn't nice last time, but please, I have to explain this to my boyfriend somehow; and he doesn't know that much about Hetalia."

Ah. Yes, that was gonna be complicated. Nodding ever so slightly, Kate turned around and smiled awkwardly at the little!Ivan unit. Sure, Laura might have had high maternal instincts, but Kate's were just Crappy. Really Crappy. With a capital 'C'. Kids _terrified_ her.

"Um… yeah… hi, Ivan! I'm Kate, a good friend of Mother Russia's," –lie number one- "but she has something she needs to do, so I'm gonna be with you for the moment." Great, just great. Now she sounded stupid. To a _kid_.

"What's Mother Russia doing?" Questioned Ivan, tilting his head to the side innocently.

"Um, she's…" Quick, think of something! Use that random, fast brain of yours Kate! "-preparing her friend, Alex, to show to you." Please, all that is holy, make this work.

"Oh, okay." And now there was a large gape of _awkward_ silence.

"Ah!" Yay for brilliant ideas! "Do you know where L- Mother Russia keeps her card games?" Nodding, Ivan walked over to the TV set and pulled a pack of UNO cards out from the draws underneath it.

"I want to play UNO, comrade Kate."

"P-?" Oh, eff… that was a baaaddd habit. Had she really just nagged Ivan about his pleases? This was Ivan! _IVAN!_ Creepy, Russian, killer dude who was suddenly going to grow up from his forced kiddy state and slaughter her into tiny pieces.

"Please?" Oh, right, paranoid; had to work on that one too. Smiling, Kate nodded and took the pack of cards, shuffling them as she sat down at the table.

"Sure thing, kid. Come on; I'm gonna kick your ass!"

**You'll come a-Waltzing Matilda, with me.**

Oh, what a joke.

"I won again." Kate felt like slamming her head into the desk. In the end, Ivan had just kicked _her_ ass. For the fifteenth time. Laura walked into the room just then, and a tall, black-haired man stood behind her, arms wrapped around her, both of them smiling broadly. Kate felt herself sending them both a smile too, before she stood up, dusted herself out and held out her hand for Ivan to shake.

"Good game, mate." Grinning, Ivan shook her hand.

"Good game, comrade Kate."

Scary… shivering slightly, Kate picked up the manual and handed it to Laura.

"There you go, that's the next one. I'll see you soon-ish. Nice meeting you, Alex."

"Nice to meet you, too."

"Cya…" Kate could see Laura restraining herself from swearing around Ivan, so she just grinned and waved her off before walking out the door. As she did so she could hear Ivan's footsteps run up to Laura and Alex and easily hear his cheerful cry.

"Mother Russia! Mother Russia! Guess what?"

"What, Ivan?"

"I kicked comrade Kate's ass!"

"KAAATTTEEEE!" Wincing slightly, Kate let out a laugh as she ran to her truck and pulled out of the driveway, waving to the ranting Laura who stood in the door, waving her fist at her. Ah, yes, next visit was going to be… pleasant.

So now she just had Katrina's stop before she went home. Pulling up at the farm house, Kate waved at the girl who was sitting on the front porch, clearly waiting for her.

"Hi!"

"You're late! Well… later than usual. I want to question you about your units!"

'_Ah, Katrina, you never cease to amuse.'_ Kate thought as she pulled out the double trolley and put the Russia-in-a-box and other random box on the trolley and rolled it up the drive.

"Hey, hey, hey! What's this? First you ignore my demands and then you unload _two_ boxes? Dude! This is a conspiracy!"

"No, this is the holiday cheer. Christmas present for all our clients." Well it wasn't an actual lie; she had had to ask for a spare one early because they were doing the Christmas rounds too, just not today. OH SNAP! That meant she was getting two too!

"HA! That means you're getting two also!" Damn Katrina for being relatively quick on the mark. Shrugging as though she didn't care, Kate dumped the two boxes in the lounge, noticing as she did so that Gilbert was –once again- hiding behind the couch.

"Um… 'Trina?"

"Hmm? Oh, snap, another Ivan! Can't you swap this?" Cried out Katrina in dismay as she looked over the manuals she had stolen off the box; this time without falling over, mind you.

"Hahaha, not on your nelly. Why is Gilbert hiding behind the couch again?"

"Oh, him; he's hiding from Ig's."

"…why?" Kate wasn't entirely sure she really did want to know, but curiosity –naturally- got the better of her.

"He insulted his knitting."

"Ooooooooo, seriously, mate? You have a death wish." Patting Gilbert condescendingly on the head, Kate turned and grinned at Katrina.

"Well, if that's all, I've gotta go home and make sure Arthur hasn't burnt down the building."

"MY COOKING IS PERFECTLY FINE, THANK YOU VERY MUCH!"

"NOT YOU, ARTHUR, DIFFERENT ARTHUR!" A faint 'oh' could be heard along with a couple other embarrassed mumbles, causing Kate, Katrina and Gilbert to snicker.

"Although, technically, they are the same unit version…" This comment from Katrina just caused all three to laugh harder.

"S-so, you got an Arthur unit?" Choked out Katrina once she had recovered from her giggling feast.

"Yup, and I still have to go and make sure he hasn't burnt down the apartment. Cya in two days- **and don't get a dog**." The last, snarled bit caused both Gilbert and Katrina to give her weird looks as she walked out the door. Pfft, of course they wouldn't understand. It took being attacked everyday by at least one giant, overprotective beast to get it. Stupid beasts.

**Waltzing Matilda, Waltzing Matilda**

It probably wasn't a good thing that she was _honestly_ surprised about the fact that the building was still standing straight, Kate mused as she parked the truck. But then again, look at all the ways it could have gone wrong; Arthur could have tried cooking and burnt down the entire thing, Francis could have been kicked out multiple times for groping people and caused there to be multiple holes in the side of it, the two could've gotten into a fight in front of the TV set and started an electric fire and-

No, it most defiantly was _not_ a good thing to be surprised at this fact. Maybe she should get professional help, maybe a psychiatrist? Hmm, but then again… going to a physiatrist could get the company shut down, for both legal and illegal reasons, and then she would be without a brilliant paying, easy, lazy job and then she would still be living with Francis and Arthur because no one should kill them; they're living beings just as much as Kate was. And if they didn't then that put the both of them at stake as well.

Damn it, looks like a psychiatrist was out of the option, then, Kate decided as she unlocked the front door to her apartment and dumped her stuff in the front hall. There was no way she was being responsible for _anyone's_ death; unit or otherwise.

"Hey, guys, I'm home. Can someone come back downstairs with me? I need some help carrying the box into the lift and up- What are you _doing_?" Walking into the lounge room, Kate was immediately pulled into two sets of arms, one feminine and one masculine, and squished between two different chests.

"~!"

"Kate, mon chaton, you missed out on all the fun~." Eye twitching, Kate pulled herself out of the stomach clenching hug –or, rather, tried to.

"Jade, let go of my left. Frenchy, the right needs to be free also. NOW." Kate demanded when neither party let go.

"Naaaawww, Katie-poo is being a big meany poop~" Whined Jade, clearly full out drunk. Francis, also slightly tipsy, let go and leant back on the couch armrest in a way that was clearly meant to be 'sexy', but only really succeeded in making him fall over and onto the floor. Spinning around to face the sobbing Arthur, Kate scowled and tried to put on her sternest voice.

"Arthur. Stop crying. **Now**." Ha, success. She had scared him sober! "Now, I need you to go and lock Francis in his room. Please." Kate added as Arthur scowled at her, clutching his head and clearly demanding some manners. Nodding, Arthur grabbed one of Francis's ankles that were stuck in the air and dragged him into the main hall. Huh, weird; Arthur must've started drinking after Francis –and maybe even Jade- to be soberer than the two of them.

Jade; now there was a problem. Kate frowned as she faced her neighbor, who was currently staring at the TV screen which was showing some old cartoon.

"Oh, god, how am I supposed to explain this to your parents?"

"Eeeeeh?" Slurred the blackette, turning around and grinning lopsidedly. "Donn warry 'bout zem, zay leeeeffftt~"

"Huh? Whaddaya- never mind, I'll ask later, when you're sober." Kate shook her head, looping her arm around Jade and helping her out and into her own apartment.

Jade's apartment was unusually neat with a couple of boxes lying about here and there. Since the layout was almost symmetrical to her apartment, Kate could make an estimate as to where Jade's bedroom was and placed her onto the bed. Pulling a blanket over the girl who had fallen asleep as soon as her head hit the pillow, Kate shook her head softly and placed a kiss on her forehead before leaving.

It wasn't until she had locked Jade's apartment behind her, grabbed Arthur from her own and was half way down to the car park that she realized exactly what she had done and Arthur sent her a weird look as she slapped herself in the face –FACEPALMED, she _facepalmed_, thank you very much!-, but didn't bother to question her about it as the lift doors slid open.

**You'll come a-Waltzing Matilda, with me**

Opening the manual that was on her lap, Arthur sleeping on the couch opposite, Kate had the overwhelming desire to go back to when she was just 13, typing up Mary-sues and being blissfully oblivious to it and playing Pokémon games with all her friends in the backyard and pool. Chasing snakes and trying to find a koala in the gum tree's in her backyard. But no, nooooo, now she had to be in freaking _America_ –not that she really minded that much, she just needed something to complain about- with a job that got her freaking _enemies_ that extracted _revenge_ by sending her _perverts, old men_ and now _psychopaths_! GOD VERDAMNIT!

"**NATALIA ARLOVSKAYA: User Guide and Manual**"

Dear god, the world hated her.

**Review please~ Reviewers get a CHRISTMAS OMAKE and maybe even an appearance in said omake… we'll see! **


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